Post by kyu
CW: leather, death, grieving
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I don’t know if this counts as a “fashion item,” per se, but the one piece of leather apparel which I can’t bring myself to give away and desperately wish were vegan is my grandmother’s jacket. She passed away unexpectedly in 2021, and though the pain has diminished, it isn’t gone.
This coat gives me a lot of conflicted feelings: there’s of course the sorrow, shame, and disgust of knowing that it only exists as a direct result of cows being brutally killed. Then there’s the grief that hits me like a wave when I realize that I’m parting with the familiar effects of someone I continue to love, but whom I will never meet again. I’m sure some people will consider this weak, hypocritical, and not vegan of me; all are welcome to form their own opinions.
Perhaps one day, I’ll be able to reach into my closet, say my final farewell, and #ditchleather for good (my boots, which are cropped out in this photo, are polyurethane and have been going strong for almost 5 years.) If anyone has had a similar experience with a non-vegan item of sentimental value/family heirloom, I’d love to hear from you, too. I realize this post doesn’t really address the #veganisnotscary Week 7 prompt, and I apologize for that — it’s more a confusing jumble of thoughts I’ve been turning over in my head for a while now.
34 likes
anistavrou Thank you for sharing! I'm vegan and personally I think it's beautiful that you still have this jacket! Of course it's not vegan, but you did not contribute to any suffering. I don't have any issues with people holding onto to sentimental non-vegan items. You love your grandmother and I think it's completely understandable that you are not ready to part with this jacket. I have a silk scarf that belonged to my grandmother and I don't want to ever get rid of it! ❤
10 likesReply
10 likesReply
kyu Ani, thank you for your compassionate response. Reading it, I teared up a little (in a good way!) As someone who doesn’t have much in the way of an offline vegan community, I really had no concept of how many people might have similar experiences. It’s comforting to know that I’m far from alone, and I’m really filled with gratitude to have been connected with you and others on this app. 1 likeReply
beckyyy Thank you for sharing this. Losing a loved one is one of the hardest parts about life and there’s no right way or wrong way to grieve or to honor those we’ve lost. I feel similarly to @anistavrou and think it’s wonderful that you have this jacket from your grandmother.
Veganism is divesting from animal exploitation when possible and practicable. That can absolutely look different for each of us but there should be no question when it comes to items that have been gifted or re-sold or simply kept from days past as there’s no additional harm occurring, and frankly, there is a valid argument for less harm in the fact that new items do not need to be produced. Of course everyone should do what is comfortable for them; if it feels uncomfortable to wear a second hand item w animal products then of course that person should avoid it. IMO if anyone is going to judge a vegan for having these types of items they are a not actually committed to liberation for all and are stuck in some purity non-sense that detracts from the real message and the work that needs to be done. 7 likesReply
Veganism is divesting from animal exploitation when possible and practicable. That can absolutely look different for each of us but there should be no question when it comes to items that have been gifted or re-sold or simply kept from days past as there’s no additional harm occurring, and frankly, there is a valid argument for less harm in the fact that new items do not need to be produced. Of course everyone should do what is comfortable for them; if it feels uncomfortable to wear a second hand item w animal products then of course that person should avoid it. IMO if anyone is going to judge a vegan for having these types of items they are a not actually committed to liberation for all and are stuck in some purity non-sense that detracts from the real message and the work that needs to be done. 7 likesReply
kyu Thank you for this thoughtful message! You bring up so many good points. I definitely agree that emphasizing purity and stark black-and-white thinking isn’t productive, especially in the profoundly not-vegan modern world in which we live. This is a gray area for me (one of many,) and I appreciate that lots of people weighed in. It gave me the chance to clarify and reaffirm my own values, and as a result, I think my purpose as a vegan — and a messy, imperfect creature living on this earth — now feels more lucid. 2 likesReply
berryveganplanet This is such a beautiful and touching post! Thank you for sharing it!6 likesReply
kyu Thank you for your kind words! It was a relief to get my thoughts out of my head and onto the (web)page. I feel there’s really something special in this community — I’m floored by the empathy and thoughtful discussion I’ve encountered here. 4 likesReply
maryanarch 🙏 🥹 beautiful post 🥹 🙏 5 likesReply
kyu Thank you ♥︎ Honestly, I still hesitate when posting online (why I’ve cropped most of my head, haha,) but sharing these moments of uncertainty has helped me to reflect and grow, and my hope is that others can gain something from them, too! 1 likeReply
unejanie I had absolutely no problem getting rid of anything leather in my wardrobe but a dear friend has a rabbit coat her mom gave her. i think it belong to her grandma. she will never wear it but doesn't know what to do with it so it hangs in her closet.  i could not think of a solution for her. what can you do with animal products to make them useful but not encourage their continued use? 2 likesReply
rosaliab If it could be used as a blanket or whatever at an animal sanctuary, it could be a way to give animals back a tiny amount of what we have stolen from them.3 likesReply
cico777 The only thing you can do in my opinion is to keep without wearing or just give to someone who need.. like homeless people 3 likesReply
kyu Thank you for sharing your friend’s story! At this point, practically all of the fashion items I purchased for myself have gone to friends/family/charity, in the hopes that they will be cherished and perhaps prevent the purchase of a newly-minted cruelty product. I’ve worn this coat on occasion, but like your friend’s, it mostly just hangs (with the literal “skeletons in the closet” feeling that inspired this post.) The only thing I can think to do is appreciate what I’ve been given and work for a future where no more will be created — I wish I had a more satisfactory answer.Reply
kyu This is the ideal outcome, I think. I remember seeing a weekly wins post a while ago, where the user sold their clothing and donated the money to a local sanctuary. Reply
rosaliab Long time ago, when I wasn't vegan, my grandma gave me as a present her beautiful old 70's-style leather jacket. I loved it and wore it a lot. Then I became vegan and stopped wearing it but kept it. Then my grandma died. I don't think I'm gonna get rid of it. I will keep it because I love my grandma a lot. I'm not killing any animal as a result of this.
Now, about wearing non-vegan stuff that one already has:
Advantage: it prevents us from buying a new item. Consumerisms is bad for everyone, including non-human animals.
Disadvantage: in this world where the dominant ideology consists on disregarding animals and treating them as mere disposable things, wearing non-vegan things reinforce this ideology to some extent. If this wasn't the context, I think it would be better to use those non-vegan items than buying new ones.
So there are advantages and disadvantages. I respect both choices.3 likesReply
Now, about wearing non-vegan stuff that one already has:
Advantage: it prevents us from buying a new item. Consumerisms is bad for everyone, including non-human animals.
Disadvantage: in this world where the dominant ideology consists on disregarding animals and treating them as mere disposable things, wearing non-vegan things reinforce this ideology to some extent. If this wasn't the context, I think it would be better to use those non-vegan items than buying new ones.
So there are advantages and disadvantages. I respect both choices.3 likesReply
kyu I had no idea that we had such a similar experience! Thank you so much for sharing; I really thought no one would be able to relate. Reading about the bond between you and your grandma comforted me a lot.
I appreciate the detail in which you considered the advantages and disadvantages — I can see both sides and wouldn’t judge either decision. For me, reinforcing the ideology of exploitation and objectification is weighty concern. I wish there were some way to use the non-vegan items we have, while acknowledging and honoring the animals that were harmed… right now, I’m not sure such a path exists. 1 likeReply
I appreciate the detail in which you considered the advantages and disadvantages — I can see both sides and wouldn’t judge either decision. For me, reinforcing the ideology of exploitation and objectification is weighty concern. I wish there were some way to use the non-vegan items we have, while acknowledging and honoring the animals that were harmed… right now, I’m not sure such a path exists. 1 likeReply
cico777 You do what you think it’s better for you🥰you don’t have to throw away if this make you feel sad. Even if one day you will decide to give away ,your grandma will be always in your heart 💛I also have non vegan stuff like leather or wool (because those are some gifts I received from loved ones when I wasn’t vegan! ). Even if we decide to give away or throw away this won’t change nothing for the poor animals ☹️it’s a sad world and vegan like us are doing our best! 2 likesReply
kyu Thank you for sharing this compassionate and touching message ♥︎ Hearing your experience helped me to see more clearly. We’re all doing what we can for animals and each another. Demanding perfection and fixating on old clothing probably isn’t the best way to achieve real change! Reply
littleredmushroom Thanks for sharing your heart with us. We hear you. And there is nothing wrong with keeping something meaningful to you. We live in a very non vegan world and that's just how it is. It's easy to feel guilt or get discouraged but we must know we are doing the best we can. Also I think it is more vegan in many ways to keep something not vegan than replace it with a new one if we don't need it. I don't wear leather anymore at all and I live in the tropics so it doesn't make sense but when I visited Peru or Europe I have borrowed other people's leather shoes for example so I don't freeze haha. And I even bought some second hand ones before when I really needed it and couldn't find an alternative . Perfection doesn't exist. But compassion goes a long way and that includes ourselves 💓 2 likesReply
kyu Thank you for taking the time to share your experience — while I’ve found much of the vegan lifestyle fairly straightforward (who can deny the immense horrors of factory farming?), there are places that feel more murky and confusing, too. You really captured so much of the nuance that often gets flattened out. Also, making this post reminded me that this isn’t all I have left of my grandma — she was known for her cooking and baking, and there’s a special joy I feel when I prepare one of her signature recipes, but with a few tweaks to make it vegan.
I appreciated your whole message, but I’m especially grateful for the gentle reminder at the end! It’s easy to forget, but so important. 2 likesReply
I appreciated your whole message, but I’m especially grateful for the gentle reminder at the end! It’s easy to forget, but so important. 2 likesReply
